Sometimes I feel like I’m not doing very much, in terms of “missionary work”. I spend most of the day with my kids. Sure, I get an article translated and uploaded once a week or so, but that’s about the extent of it. I spend most of my day with my kids. If I am truly honest with myself, it doesn’t feel very spiritual or “missionary-like”.
I don’t know if it’s just to make myself feel better, but when I start to fall in the trap of feeling unimportant or useless, I remember the paralyzing fear I felt when my daughter was born. It sounds unreasonable to remember a fear when I’m seeking comfort, doesn’t? Bear with me.
When she was born and they wheeled her into the room, I was struck by the enormous task ahead. There she was, all tiny and helpless. I’m responsible for a human being, I thought. And it was terrifying. I was responsible for raising a kind, decent, loving human being. I was responsible for teaching her about God and the person He wants her to be. I was responsible for keeping her healthy and generally happy.
This awe tends to get lost in the shuffle of day to day life. I’m just trying to survive each day, but still do a good job. And now there’s two, and things feel more difficult than before. I spend most of my day getting food ready, doing a minimum of housework, and occasionally remembering to do some kind of educational/developmental activity. And because I admit that I am a computer-holic, I remove myself and the kids from the temptation of computers/tablets/TV as often as I can by taking them out to the mall or to a park. Disconnect from tech. Connect to fun, and games, and nature. Go to the library and bury ourselves in books. Have an oh-so-healthy meal of chicken nuggets.
I’m responsible for raising human beings. It may not feel grand or spiritual, but it is a task that is worthwhile– valuable. I don’t know what they’ll grow up to be, and I’m only just beginning to get an inkling of their personalities. But I know that, whatever else, they will know they are loved, by their parents and by God. They will know that they must love, themselves and others. They will know that Truth is worth searching for, mysteries are worth exploring, and adventures are worth having. Beyond that, we’ll see.
I’ll do my best. Because it’s the best job I have right now.